About last year
by CelcoLevi2001
Summary: After Finding out that Dr Mephesto now has a time machine, Cartman decides to use it to tell his 8 year old self about an incident he's going to do at the prom, after being banned from entering Dr Mephesto's lab, Stan saves Wendy and others including Cartman from the burning school the next day. Cartman sneaks back in time again and breaks Stan and Wendy up, affecting his existance
1. Cartman's new dad

Brown, it zooms out and appears to be a crater in south park woods

Narrator: It's been almost 2 years since the mysterious crater of south park woods appeared, first occurred on the 23rd of February 2014. We now will speak with one of our "theorists" Herbert A Garrison

Mr Garrison: Thank you Mr Cleveland. Okay, now normally, when people tell you these things, they get committed or something, okay? But I am telling you, that on the night of 25th of February 2013, I was driving my car home when suddenly, there's this giant spaceship hovering over some...some kid with an 80-foot satellite dish coming from his asshole

Mr Cleveland: What did the spaceship look like?

Mr Garrison: I don't know, it kinda looked like a ufo, but much more colourful and bright than in google images

Mr Cleveland: And the kid?

Mr Garrison: He uh, was fat, he wore a red jacket with brown pants and a yellow-puffed ball hat with blue

Mr Cleveland: Do you think people think you're lying

Mr Garrison: Of course I do, but I am telling you that I saw a spaceship that night, in fact I have this friend from elementary school who worked with me as school chef who also witnessed it

Mr Cleveland: What did he look like?

Mr Garrison: Well he was this black guy, about yey wide, big beard, red shirt, blue pants, always wore a chef's hat

Mr Cleveland: Where can we find him?

Mr Garrison: South Park Cemetery

Mr Cleveland: Oh

Cartman is slumping in his pajamas watching Mr Garrison's interview on Crazy People TV eating a bag of chips at night, Shaun walks downstairs and sees Eric

Shaun: Eric, shouldn't you be in bed by now

Cartman: Huh-wha? [sits up] Dude, it can't be bed time already!

Shaun: It's 10:30, you were supposed to go to bed 2 hours ago!

Cartman: Yeah, well my mom lets me stay up at 11:00 at most

Shaun: Yeah, well now that I'm here, things are gonna change! [picks Cartman up and drags him to bed, Cartman starts squirming, Shaun gradually manages to put him in bed]

Cartman: I'm not tired!

Shaun: You will be when you get up tomorrow! [shuts door and goes on to the bedroom] no wonder Liane used to be a whore

Cartman: Stupid new father, always tryin' to make me eat my vegetables and go to bed early [looks at his bedside table and gets out of bed to open it, he finds his bottle of schedule sleeping pills, he opens it] Take one per night, some dreams may replicate a past event, huh, [takes pills out of bottle] this must be a different brand [takes pill and gets into bed, he swallows the pill and puts his pill bottle on the bedside table and covers himself with his blankets. After a few hours he begins to dream]  
Cartman is sleeping in his bed, a moment later, a blue light shines in his room

Cartman: *splutters* what? [gets up] what the hell? [an alien peaks its head in Cartman's room, it cuts to Cartman being drug across a hallways] Weeaak! [Cartman is laid on a table and his hands are cuffed to table] Hey hey, what the hell are you doing? [his pants are taken off] This isn't funny you guys! [an anal probing device appears behind him about to penetrate] Oh shit! not the probes! [Cartman wakes up in cold sweat, it is morning, he looks outside] God, is it morning already? [Cartman walks downstairs, he has bags under his eyes, he visits the table, Liane pours him a bowl choc-choc pops]

Shaun: Eric, how was your sleep last night?

Cartman: Very… traumatic

South Park Bus stop, the boys are waiting, Cartman is not present

Kyle: I don't know dude, it's just that we've been watching it for so long, you sure we're not just turning into, you know? [Cartman arrives glumly] Oh look, it's Eric Von Cartman

Cartman: I don't feel like talking, you guys [Stan examines him]

Stan: Dude, looks like you didn't much sleep last night

Cartman: Oh, that's just because I've been having these bogus nightmares

Kyle: Again? what about?

Cartman: I don't want to talk about it [bus arrives]


	2. Dr Mephesto has a time machine?

South Park Elementary, the boys are being taught about gluten, Cartman is asleep on his desk. The chalkboard is filled.

Mr Mackey: Now let's see um, Beer, forgot to mention, Beer is made of mostly wheat m'kay?

Mr Garrison: Oh-oh-oh don't forget about tacos as well

Clyde: Aww, tacos are bad for you as well?

Mr Mackey: Eric are you sleeping in class?!

Cartman: [wakes up] wha-wha?

Mr Garrison: Eric are you sleeping in class?!

Cartman: Uh, no sir?

Mr Garrison: Well you're still on detention for streaking off at the prom so i'm letting you go!

Cartman: Oh come on! That prom crap happened like a year ago!

3:00 clock, Cartman is in detention with other kids, Butters walks in.

Butters: Hey Eric! [sits beside Cartman and pulls out his notebook]

Mr Mackey: No sitting directly beside other children m'kay? [Butters looks at his left and sees he can't move away from Cartman without moving to another table, Cartman moves away for him]

Cartman: {whispering} Psst! Butters! what did you to get in detention?

Butters: I got slandered for sexual harassment

Cartman: By who?

Butters: By Wendy, she claimed I touched her on her…

Cartman: Oooh, now she confesses!

Butters: I don't get it! I'd never hit on anybody who has a girlfriend

Cartman: What about that time you tried on the oculus rift?

Butters: Well yeah, but that was in virtual reality! it wasn't real! I'd never do that to somebody in real life!

Cartman: Riiight!

Butters: What did you do to get in here?

Cartman: I ran through the intermediate elementary skewl prom naked and earned 2 years detention

Butters: Well what the hell did you do that for?

Cartman: I don't know! I read it in a book on how to be mature

Butters: ...Where did you get that?

Cartman: Off this 4th grader, Kurt Mackey, apparently he was Mr Mackey's nephew

Butters: ...Eric… he, kind of, put real puke on my dad's car... and he scrubbed my graffiti so he put his graffiti on... and he and a couple of other 5th graders beat up scott malkinson before it was cool, and he got expelled from this school [Cartman is silent, before realising his mistake]

Cartman: {out loud} Son of Bitch!

Mr Mackey: Ahem! [Cartman looks up at Mr Mackey, who is frowning, Cartman continues with his work]

Cartman: {whispering again} Still, i'd like to change that!

?: {out loud} You mean change it as in, Time Traveling? [Cartman and Butters look behind them and see Terrance Mephesto]

Cartman: What did you say?

Terrance Mephesto: I said as in Time Traveling, would you like to change it as in Time Traveling?

Cartman: Uh, sure?

Mr Mackey: Okay Eric and Terrance! You can stay in another hour!

Cartman: Aw-Awww! [locks are heard, the detention doors open with a heavily-worn and bruised kid entering]

Kid: The gingers [pants] they were too strong! [pants] be free! [collapses to the floor, the other kids have a moment of silence before running out in joy of freedom, Mr Mackey follows them out the entrance of the school]

Mr Mackey: Y'know I gotta start giving my hallway monitors some more discipline [Terrance is walking home, Cartman and Butters follow him]

Butters: Hey Terrance!

Terrance: Yeah?

Butters: We were just wondering, what's this thing you're talking about with time travel?

Terrance: Oh nothing, you wouldn't be interested

Cartman: But we are interested!

Terrance: Well, it all goes like this, a few weeks ago, poppa had got into time-traveling and began taking time machines from movies and trying to get them to work, he got frustrated one night and slammed his head on a steering wheel that was implanted into his own time machine, it beeped the horn and the sound waves caused an explosion in some extremely hot gears and made it possible to go backwards in time in random coordinates not too far from the time machine, dad's trying to make it so you can choose where you want to land in time

Cartman: Wait a minute! [walks up to him] wait a minute, are you telling me, that your dad has a fucking time machine?!

Terrance: Yeah

Cartman: [grabs him by the shirt] Where can I find it?!

Terrance: Back at the South Park Technology Ranch

Cartman: South Park Technology Ranch?

Terrance: Yeah, where the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch used to be

Cartman: I gotta see this! [lets go of Terrance] Butters, you're coming with me! [grabs butters by the elbow and drags him along, Terrance begins following them]


	3. Dr Mephesto's history with technology

South Park "Technology" Ranch, there is terrible storm as usual. Kevin Mephesto is playing the organ, Dr. Mephesto is examining a robot's hand, he puts the hand back under the sheets and turns a crank to elevate the bed the robot is on, it is lifted to the top of the room above the ceiling, lightning strikes the robot, Dr. Mephesto drops the bed, he goes back to the bed and looks at the robots hand, which begins moving.

Dr. Mephesto: ...It's alive… It's alive! It's AL-[Mephesto is interrupted by knocking on the door] Who could that be at this time? [walks up to door and looks through peephole] Why it's little Eric and his blondie friend, [To Cartman] What do you want?

Cartman: Hey uh Dr. Mephesto, we heard that you've been working on uh, Time-Traveling Technology

Dr. Mephesto: (gasp) How did you know that?

Butters: Your grandson Terrance told us about your time-machine

Dr. Mephesto: My grandson? You mean my son Terrance?

Cartman: Wait a minute, Terrance is your son?

Dr. Mephesto: My vitro son [Terrance arrives]

Terrance: Hey pop, can you let us inside?

Dr. Mephesto: Sure thing Terrance! [opens door, Cartman, Terrance and Butters run inside, Cartman and Butters are dumbfounded by the new interior of South Park "Technology" Ranch

Butters: Hey! What happened to all the multiple butted creatures you used to keep?

Dr. Mephesto: Well, I'm afraid they've passed a law illegalising genetic experiments on animals, I've decided to go to my original passion of Technology

Cartman: Wait, so Technology was your original passion?

Dr. Mephesto: That's right! I recently completed my old invention "Computer Stein", which was a robot body controlled by an old Monitor

Butters: So where's this time machine that you built?

Dr. Mephesto: I'll tell you about it in a minute, but first I'll tell about my story of technology and time travel. It all started in 1950, when I read the book, "The Time Machine" I began studying Time travel in 1956. In 1960 I saw the movie, "The Time Machine" and devoted my life to the technology, I attempted to recreate the time machine in 1961, it failed

Cartman: What happened?

Dr. Mephesto: It flew backwards until it stopped going up and flew into South Park Theatre, here's the time machine! [walks to some curtains where his other time machines are kept, the machine is unchrome and the dish at the back is badly crooked] In 1965 I started watching Doctor Who, I attempted to recreate the TARDIS the following year, it just created a small explosion. Come on, I'll show you! [Dr Mephesto walks them up to a TARDIS, it has a dent on the bottom right, Dr. Mephesto presses a button on a panel implanted in the display case, a miniature tv comes down from the ceiling and shows a film of Dr. Mephesto's failed attempt] This a film showing my attempt to make the TARDIS work [Young Dr. Mephesto is backing away from the camera after setting it up, he gives the thumbs up before squeezing into the TARDIS] Unfortunately, the TARDIS wasn't bigger on the inside, that was practically impossible! [Young Dr Mephesto shuts the door to the TARDIS and begins activating it, a giant spark occurs on the bottom right and knocks it over, the door opens showing Dr Mephesto, who gives the thumbs up before the film ends]

Cartman: Hahahahaha! [Dr Mephesto leads them up to a DeLorean with a wrecked bonnet and a hole in the windshield] What the hell happened to your car?

Dr. Mephesto: Eric, don't you know what this is?

Cartman: No

Dr. Mephesto: It's the DeLorean! From back to the future!

Butters: Oh yeah! My dad told me about that movie! [Dr. Mephesto presses a button on a panel which lowers another tv set]

Cartman: Still, what the hell happened to the car?

Dr. Mephesto: You'll find out! [the film starts, a 45-year old Dr. Mephesto appears next to a modified DeLorean]

Young Mephesto: Good Evening, I'm Dr Alphonse Mephesto, it's 12:01 in the morning and this is experiment number 1! [Mephesto gets in the car] when this car hits 88 miles an hour, you should see some serious shit. [backs DeLorean away from camera, after a few seconds, he races the DeLorean and reaches 88, causing the flux capacitor to explode smoke through the windshield and crash into a brick wall, Mephesto rolls down the window] {exhausted} experiment number one was a failure, cut the tape, Kevin! [film stops]

Dr. Mephesto: I got a little cocky and tried driving the car to a brick wall hoping I would go back in time to before I put the wall there

Cartman: Alright Alright! Dude we came here to see a time machine not hear your life story!

Dr. Mephesto: But you did see a… come with me boys! 


	4. This is a pretty lame chapter

Dr. Mephesto: Well here it is boys, the thing that finally makes time travel possible [grabs cloth covering machine and reveals the time machine]

Cartman: Woah! [walks up to it] Kewl!

Dr. Mephesto: Don't touch it! It could easily blow this place sky-high and I mean sky-high!

Cartman: But then how are we supposed to travel through time?

Dr. Mephesto: You walk through the portal that forms inside the ring! [Cartman backs away from time machine]

Butters: Hey, how does it work?

Dr. Mephesto: It works by using sound waves, you see, when I first discovered this, assuming you know how, I tried beeping a horn at the exact moment an object went inside the portal after what happened the night before, it worked, but it only transported half the object 1 minute into the future, so instead I tried using guitar speakers, whenever someone is about to enter the portal, a special camera will see the person and change the amps based on how many people are there and a second camera will activate when someone jumps in, strumming an electric guitar and blowing the speakers with sound waves strong enough to paralyse the portal light and squish anyone entering the portal and jump them to a random location in a different time and re-inflate them to become normal again!

Butters: Are there any side effects?

Dr. Mephesto: [walks over to a valve] The only side effect is a black-out that occurs when only 5% of the brain has blood fluid in it which is super concentrated in numbers 392 and little bit of 5 and 12!

Cartman: What the fuck are you talking about?

Dr. Mephesto: [turns valve] Look, if you boys want to give this time travelling machine a go, I'll let you travel 1 minute into the future, any other time could seriously damage your mental health [closes piston looking thing]

Cartman: What? But I gotta go back 2 years!

Dr. Mephesto: [Begins raising a throttle very slowly] Oh ho no! It's far too dangerous! Oh Crap! I forgot!

Cartman: What?

Dr. Mephesto: The sports bookie! I haven't paid him off yet! Eric, you stay there! Terrance, make sure they don't attempt to travel backwards in time!

Terrance: You got it, pop! [a few moments of silence, Cartman walks towards the time machine again] Cartman, don't you dare!

Cartman: You guys wanna take it out for a spin?

Butters: Eric, we could hurt ourselves, real bad!

Terrance: Yeah!

Cartman: You guys! Do you have any idea how much fun we could have with this thing?! We could alter the past! or even! [walks towards a radio on a chair and picks it up, he tunes it to the horse racing] Butters, we could hear the results on the sport events, go back in time, and bet our money on the correct result and be rich!

Butters: Eric, Mr Mackey says that time machines are not for betting on sports events!

Cartman: That's exactly time machines are for!

Butters: You said that when we messed around with drones! Look what happened there!

Cartman: But that's different! Betting doesn't hurt anybody except the person who got it wrong, and that's kinda his fault! [walks to cupboard beneath the panel and finds watches] What the hell are these? In case of traveling back to the past, use these, oh sweet! [puts one on]

Terrance: Cartman, going back to the past could seriously damage your existence!

Cartman: [begins typing on the panel] How?

Terrance: Something you could do could affect your existence whether it has to do with your birth or whether someone saves you from being killed- Hey! what the hell are you doing?!

Cartman: I have to go back in time to prevent myself from ever streaking off at the skewl prom and earning a 2 year detention! [turns on time portal and walks up to them]

Terrance: Wait a second! But if you do that, that means you would've never-

Cartman: Hey Terrance, y'know, I think your shoe might be untied [time portal is starting up]

Terrance: What, no it isn't! [Terrance checks down just incase, Cartman wraps a return device to Butters' wrist and drags him towards the time portal] Hey! [Cartman runs after him, the portal is roaring by now]

Butters: ERIC! YOU MANIAC! [Cartman jumps into the portal with Butters, the electric guitar is strummed and freezes the portal, the speaker blows Terrance away and against the other side of the house, Dr. Mephesto arrives]

Dr. Mephesto: What happened? I heard an explosion!

Terrance: Cartman went into the portal!

Dr. Mephesto: What?! Oh my god! Terrance, You know what kind of danger he's in?

Terrance: How much?

Dr. Mephesto: Depends! As long as he's gone to the future, nothing can affect his existence… If he's gone into the past…

Terrance: Cartman said he was gonna go to the past to stop himself from ever streaking at the prom!

Dr. Mephesto: My god, this is more serious than I thought! If he succeeds in preventing his self from streaking at this… prom he's been talking about, he could cause a grandfather paradox! 


	5. Back to the Pilot

Sunday April 28th 2014 2:50 PM South Park Town square.

Cartman and butters appear from thin air inside an alley, they fall over due to having their same velocity as when they went in, Cartman gets up.

Cartman: ...Did it work?

Butters: [moans] Well… we moved to another place [gets up and clutches stomach] Ow, my belly! [They walk out of the alley and walk to the left, passing by Tele's and notice notice the TV store is different]

Cartman: Hey look! The TVs! [They notice the Televisions are now fat screens]

Butters: Oh my god! Eric, you sent us to the past! But what year?

Cartman: Butters, don't be daft, I obviously sent us to 2014

Butters: [looks to a passing man] Uh, excuse me sir, do you mind telling me what date it is?

Man: April 25th, kid

Butters: Okay, but do you know what year it i-ehh [Butters drifts off as man walks away, Officer Barbrady suddenly arrives]

Cartman: Uh oh!

Officer Barbrady: Hey! shouldn't you kids be in school? [Officer Barbrady waits patiently for an answer as Cartman over 5 seconds to reply with the camera switching from their faces constantly, it's not very funny without actual screening]

Cartman: Umm, no, We're sick today

Officer Barbrady: ….Okay [drives off]

Butters: Wait! Officer Barbrady! [Officer Barbrady drives back again]

Officer Barbrady: Yes?

Butters: What year is it?

Officer Barbrady: ...Why does it matter?

Cartman: It just does, okay?!

Officer Barbrady: …I don't really know

Cartman: What?! what kind of Police man doesn't know what year it is?!

Officer Barbrady: I was going to ask the same thing!

Cartman: Wait what?

Officer Barbrady: Nevermind! [drives off, Cartman is left in silence]

Cartman: … Dude, I'm not a police man for another month

Butters: You're a police man?

Cartman: Okay, well I'm not a police man but I did help Officer barbrady with the Chicken Lover that's happening in a month if it's 2013. Still, I wanna know why he doesn't know what year it is!

Butters: I just wanna know what year it is!

Cartman: Okay, so here's the plan. What I'll do is I'll pretend to be some guy who thinks that 9/11 was a conspiracy and can predict the future [puts on tweed shirt and cap]

Butters: But you do think 9/11 was conspiracy.

Cartman: Holy shit I fucking do! Come on Butters! we gotta go tell my past self about what he's going to do!

Butters: Wait, Eric! I think there's a rule about not changing the past!

Cartman: Not when it's for a good cause, stupid!


	6. Cartman's stuffed animals

April 25th 2013 3:00 South Park Cartman Residence, Cartman and Butters arrive at Cartman's house. Cartman knocks on Cartman's door, Liane opens up holding a plate of cookies.

Liane: Oh hello Eric!

Cartman: My name's not Eric, it's… John

Liane: Oh, that would explain the get up. What can I do for you, John?

Cartman: I'm looking for your son, Eric

Liane: Eric? He's not here yet, he's probably coming home from school

Cartman: Well, can we take a look in his room?

Liane: Sure, hon [walks past her to go to his room, turns to Liane]

Cartman: Oh by the way, Liane…

Liane: Yes?

Cartman: I know about that lie you told last week [Liane is confused] The thing where he had to wait forever to find out who his father was? You're not really a Hermaphrodite, are you?

Liane: ...Let's just keep this between you and the entire town alright? [Cartman grieves before walking up the stairs to his room]

Cartman: [opens door and shuts behind him]

Butters: Hey Eric, I'm really sorry about your dad [puts hand on his back to comfort him]

Cartman: {Estranged} Don't touch me, Butters! [glances at his room] Hey, look!

Butters: What?

Cartman: My old TV! [turns on the television set and flips to the Terrance and Phillip show]

Philip: Say Terrance! I think I might have crack up my ass!

Terrance: Where? Let me see! [puts head into Philip's ass and Philips farts on him]

Cartman: Hahaha! Oh man! [looks over to his left and sees his old stuffed animals] Hey! My old stuffed animals!

Rumpertumpskin: Hey, look everybody! It's Eric!

Cartman: I'm actually a different guy!

Polly Prissypants: That would explain the voice!

Cartman: {confused} My voice?

Peter Panda: Yeah, Eric sounds so fat compared to yours!

Cartman: ...Aye!

Liane: {downstairs} Oh, hello Eric!

?: Shut up, mom, I'm going to my room!

Liane: Would you like a cookie, hon?

?: Yeah, I want a cookie!

Cartman: Who the hell is that?

Butters: That's you! 


	7. Modern Cartman meets Classic Cartman

Cartman: ...That's me?

Butters: Yeah, who else would it be?

Cartman: No one, it's just I sound so…

Peter Panda: Fat?

Cartman: Screw you!

Butters: Holy crap! Eric, he's coming this way!

Cartman: Oh, dude I really don't feel up for this, now!

Butters: Oooaauh! What do we do?!

Cartman: Let's just hide! [Cartman runs underneath his bed, Butters looks for a spot to hide and decides to hang outside the window sill, Cartman's past self bursts in]

Past Cartman: Well, hello there, how's my little stuffed animals

Present Cartman: {to the stuffed animals} Shh!

Peter Panda: Uh, nothing?

Past Cartman: What?

Peter Panda: Uh, we saw the sun!

Past Cartman: Oh, Okay! [Present Cartman tries to get a better look at himself, but breathes in dust and is about to sneeze]

Present Cartman: no… no, ACHOO! [Past Cartman hears the sound and looks up, he turns towards the sound] {whispering} No, stay away from me! [Past Cartman walks towards the bed, he eventually looks down underneath his bed and spots Present Cartman, silence. The camera switches between the two again]

Past Cartman: Who the hell are you?

Present Cartman: Oh, [nervous chuckle] Hey dude!

Past Cartman: Get out! [Present Cartman stands up in front of his past self, who is slightly shorter than him]

Present Cartman: *sigh* Eric [walks to his right] I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe, but...

Past Cartman: And how do you know my name?

Present Cartman: Eric! I know this gonna be hard for to swallow, but what if I told you… I'm actually your future self [Past Cartman glances at Present Cartman's features and looks at his own]

Past Cartman: What are you talking about? I don't see any resemblance!

Present Cartman: Oh really? Then how come I'm the only one who believes that you're the one who found the triangles?

Past Cartman: What triangles?

Present Cartman: You know, the one that got stolen by that greedy Jew?

Past Cartman: You mean the one that activated Mecha-Streisand? Oh thank you [shakes Present Cartman's hand]

Present Cartman: No no, you, me, both found that triangle!

Past Cartman: What?

Present Cartman: Alright, that was bad example, Eric, look at you, look at me! You've seen yourself in a mirror!

Past Cartman: Dafuq? Dude, you been spying on me?

Present Cartman: No! I'm you! [Past Cartman examines Present Cartman's body and clothing and looks at his own again]

Past Cartman: Well now that I see it, you certainly do look like me

Present Cartman: See?

Past Cartman: But you're going to need proof, more proof

Present Cartman: Fine [thinks up and idea] Here's one, if I'm not you, how do I know it was you, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny who actually burnt Miss Claridge?

Past Cartman: The hell are you talking about?

Present Cartman: You don't remember? Remember Eric, Trent Boyett?

Past Cartman: Trent Boyett? ...Oh… AAAH! PLEASE DON'T ARREST ME!  
Present Cartman: Relax, I'm not going to arrest you cause that would be arresting ourselves

Past Cartman: Well you're going to need more proof!

Present Cartman: …...Alright, Eric, maybe this will ring a bell for you [takes off shirt and pulls on an area near his nipple, a square flap of skin comes off and reveals a pointy swastika birthmark

Past Cartman: {disbelief} ...Fuck you!

Present Cartman: No, don't fuck me, cause then we'd be fucking ourselves!

Past Cartman: How? You look like me, but your voice, you sound so...

Present Cartman: Kewl?

Past Cartman: Yeah, so that's what I sound like in the future! Wait, why did you come from the future?

Present Cartman: Okay, look Eric, I came from the future to tell you that-actually, Butters is hanging outside the window, I should probably tell him you know everything. Butters, you can climb in now! My past self knows everything!

Butters: Good! [groans while trying to get into house, he loses his grip and falls off the house]

Present Cartman: Butters! [he and his past self look out the window]

Past Cartman: Butters? You mean that really really not kewl blonde kid?

Present Cartman: Yeah! Butters! you okay?!

Butters: OOOOOWWW!

Present Cartman: Oh dude, you landed in the bushes! 


	8. Back to the current episode?

Cartman and his younger self walk downstairs

Past Cartman: So, if you're from the the future, can you tell me what it's like?

Present Cartman: Well it's only been two years, I mean, I guess everyone has an IPhone including me! And we also have IPhone 6s in the future!

Past Cartman: IPhone 6s?! Can I see one?!

Present Cartman: No, I don't want to corrupt our timeline!

Past Cartman: Aww weak!

Present Cartman: Hey, don't feel bad, you'll find out all about them in only 2 years! [Butters walks in with bruises]

Butters: {drowsy} Eric, can we go home now?

Present Cartman: We are home

Butters: No, I mean our home from the future, you dick

Present Cartman: Alright, Alright! Just let me get the thingy out [Cartman pulls out the return watches and gives one to Butters, they put in their time]

Past Cartman: But can't I come with you?

Present Cartman: Sorry, Eric, but if I do that I might do something

Past Cartman: ...Fucking weak!

Present Cartman: Look, I'm sorry, alright? [presses button and gets ready to travel, nothing happens] Huh? [moment of silence]

Butters: It didn't work…

Present Cartman: Oh wait a second! [The two of them suddenly turn into holograms and disappear out of existence, they reappear in front of an angry looking mephisto. They are back in the present] Uh oh!

Dr Mephisto: Do you boys know how much trouble you're in?!

Butters: … [points to Cartman] He did it! 


	9. Stan saves Wendy from a burning building

Dr Mephesto: Eric, you could've seriously damaged something!

Cartman: Okay look, yes, I did try to tell my younger self about what he was about to do- oh god damnit! I forgot to tell him!

Dr Mephesto: Eric, you are not welcome here anymore! [starts pushing the boys outside]

Cartman: Wait, what? But I need to tell my past self about the event!

Dr Mephesto: You can't, if you do that, then you'd never have been in detention to know about my time machine, which you would've never gone back to tell yourself about the prom thing and then you would've had detention anyway knew about the time machine and so on and so on!

Cartman: But I-

Dr Mephesto: I'm sorry Eric, but it's too damn risky! [shuts door]

Cartman: ...GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

Butters: Come on, Eric, I'm sure there's another way to get rid of your detention problem!

Cartman: Come on!

South Park Bus Stop, the boys except Cartman are waiting

Cartman: [arrives] Hey guys!

Stan: Hey, dude. You feeling better after what happened yesterday?

Cartman: Why, what happened yesterday?

Kyle: Yesterday, you were talking about how you had these 'bogus' nightmares

Cartman: Oh that? Yeah, I've gotten over it. Hey did I ever talk about seeing my future self once? [Stan and Kyle think for a moment]

Stan: ...Yes

Cartman: Oh, really?

Kyle: Yeah, why?

South Park Elementary, Garrison is teaching square numbers.

Mr Garrison: And so that's how you square numbers! Any questions? [Cartman puts hand up] Yes Eric?

Cartman: Mr Garrison, why does it hurt so much to get kicked in the balls?

Mr Garrison: ...I don't know Eric, it just does!

Cartman: Oh okay, [glances at Stan] Hey Stan, is there a problem?

Stan: Why would you want to know, asshole?

Cartman: Woah, no, seriously, I wanna know!

Stan: Wendy's just a little upset with me because she never knew her divided bys and I offered to send her my answers which she hesitated doing at first but decided to do it, but I forgot to send her my answers so she's going to get in trouble for not doing her divided bys!

Cartman: ...Wait, you're telling me that Wendy Testaburger does not know her freaking divided bys?!

Stan: Look, she tried her best but she had to have this really long dentist appointment so she didn't have any time to do anything and I was going to fill her papers!

Cartman: So she couldn't do her homework?

Stan: Most of it was made of divided bys and she only got 3 problems solved out of like... 18

Cartman: Woah, 15 problems unsolved

Stan: I just don't know what to do

Cartman: Well you can do something, I don't know, just save her from a burning building or something? [Pete a.k.a red goth bursts into the room]

Pete: Everybody, get out! I accidentally set the school on fire!

Mr Garrison: Excuse me? [a power outlet bursts into flames] ..Gaah! How did that get there?! [everyone starts screaming and rushes out of class]

Cartman: Oh, what an amazing coincidence! [gets out of his desk and joins the crowd. Stan gets out first, a few other kids get out as well, but the roof falls and lands on Cartman's back, trapping him] OW! OW! OW!

Meanwhile, Stan and a bunch of other kids are out, firefighters have arrived.

Stan: Wait a second! [looks around] Wendy? [Stan thinks back to what Cartman said] (I don't know, just save her out of burning building or something?) [Stan goes back inside the school, he runs out of the school with Wendy in his arms, he drops her outside, gasping for air]

Wendy: Oh my god! Stan, are you okay?! [her parents arrive]

Stan: No! I gotta go back and save the others! [goes back inside the school, much to the other people's surprise]

Male Firefighter: What the hell? [Stan comes running out with Kyle and drops him, Stan goes back inside again]

Mr Garrison: [lifts finger] ...Is that normal?! [Stan comes running out with Cartman and drops him, Stan collapses]

Mrs Testaburger: Who is that boy?

Mr Testaburger: That's Wendy's boyfriend, isn't it?

Cartman: [looks at school] Wow… that was fast 


	10. Cartman talks to Kurt on phone

Cartman Residence, Cartman is searching his toy box for the book Kurt gave him, when he finds it, he stops on it, rips it up, and burns it in a fire. Next he is shown to walk up to Mr Mackey's house, knocking his door.

Mr Mackey: [opens door] Oh hello, Eric!

Cartman: Hi, can I speak to your nephew Kurt, please?

Mr Mackey: Kurt Mackey?

Cartman: Yes!

Mr Mackey: Um, Eric, he's in Nebraska

Cartman: Son of a Bitch!

Mr Mackey: Eric, is there a reason why you need to talk to him?

Cartman: Yes, a very important reason! [walks in to Mackey's house and uses Mr Mackey's phone]

Mr Mackey: Um, M'kay, why do you need to talk to him?

Cartman: What's his number?  
Kurt Mackey's house in nebraska, a female Mackey answers the phone

Mrs Mackey: Hello, Liane Mackey speaking?

Cartman: Hi, can I speak to Kurt please?

Liane Mackey: Kurt, it's for you

Kurt Mackey: Oh really, who could it be? [takes phone, Liane Mackey leaves the room] Hello?

Cartman: You son of a bitch! Thanks to you, I got a year of detention!

Kurt Mackey: ...Do I know you?

Cartman: It's me, Eric Cartman! That kid you tricked into streaking off at the prom!

Kurt Mackey: ...Oh! Hey Eric, so how's the detention, M'kay?

Cartman: Kurt… I don't know who your parents are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills that I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you make my skewl forget about what I did, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for your parents, I will not pursue your parents. But if you don't, I will look for your parents, I will find them, I will kill them, and will feed them to you.

Kurt: ...I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but good luck! [hangs up]

Cartman: Oh, this isn't over Mackey!

Mr Mackey: Eric, can you just use your own phone, you're costing me!

Cartman: Mr Mackey, what's Kurt's favourite food?

Mr Mackey: Um… His favourite food is Pears, but he has to put on a leash when goes out because for the life of him, he can't stop eating Bolognaise!

Cartman: [walks outside and taps fingers] Excellent, If plan A fails, I can still go to plan B!


	11. Gotta go back to season 1!

Stotch Residence, Cartman knocks on the door. Mr Stotch opens the door.

Stephen: Oh, hello, Eric

Cartman: Afternoon, Mr Stotch, do you know where I can find Butters?

Stephen: He's in his room, why?

Cartman: I need to talk to him!

Stephen: Oh okay [Cartman walks past Stephen and goes up to Butters' door

Cartman: Butters?

Butters: Oh hey Eric!

Cartman: Butters, I know how to fix it!

Butters: Fix what?

Cartman: You know, the thing with the prom?

Butters: ...But I thought you got banned

Cartman: I did get banned, but now I know how to fix my mistake!

Butters: How?

Cartman: Okay, Butters, what we're gonna do, is sneak into Dr Mephesto's ranch at naght. Then we go back in time, tell myself about the book one more time and we're done!

Butters: Oh no! I am not doing that again!

Cartman: Come on, Butters! It'll be fun!

Butters: Eric, you know how much trouble we got in last time!

Cartman: And?

Butters: Well that, plus we could seriously damage the past!

Cartman: Will you stop talking about how we could seriously damage the past?! Like, what's gonna happen? It's not like I'm gonna become my own father!

Butters: Well…

Cartman: Hah! That's what I thought! Come on!

Butters: No, wait! We could kill somebody!

Cartman: Kahl? Okay!

Butters: No, I mean, we could kill somebody important, like your father!

Cartman: He's already dead, you fucking idiot!

South Park Technology Ranch, Butters and Cartman are walking in raincoats up the path with loud wind and rain.

Butters: Eric, how are we gonna get inside?!

Cartman: Just so you know, every old person in South Park leaves a fucking key under the doormat! [lifts up doormat and finds a key under the mat]

Butters: Oh! [Cartman uses the key to open the door, the door slides open and they go inside, the door shuts behind them]

Cartman: [takes off hood] Ah! Okay, we'll type in the date and move our asses into the portal

Butters: Eric, I'm still not sure about this

Cartman: It'll be fine! Like I said, it's not like I'm gonna make love to my mom!

Butters: Ew! Where'd you pick that up?

Cartman: [typing in a date] What was that?

Butters: Actually, nevermind!

Cartman: [finds a keytar] Oh kewl, a keytar!

Butters: What's so special about it?

Cartman: Butters, have you not heard my keytar skills?

Butters: You play keytar?

Cartman: Hell yeah! [plays 5 seconds of hamster dance]

Butters: That's amazing!

Cartman: Thanks! [portal forms]

Cartman: Okay, on the count of three… two… one [both run in to portal, the guitar strum is made, Dr Mephesto wakes up cold sweat]

Dr Mephesto: What the hell?! 


	12. My name is Carl Casper

Cartman Residence, Butters and Cartman appear out of nowhere.

Cartman: Whew! Okay, let's go tell my younger self about the book and get the hell outta here!

Butters: Yeah, lets! [Cartman knocks on his door again, Liane opens the door]

Liane: {Surprised} Eric? What are you doing here?

Cartman: I'm not Eric, I'm John [looks at himself] Shit, I'm not wearing the suit!

Liane: Ohohoh! Sorry, It's just that you two just look so alike!

Cartman: I know, do you know where I can find Eric?

Liane: Um, he's at school hon

Cartman: What?

Liane: He's at school

Cartman: ...What time is it?  
Liane: 8:30, why?

Cartman: Wait a minute! [turns around with Butters]

Butters: Eric, is there something wrong?

Cartman: Yeah, when I typed in the date to go back in time, I typed only a few minutes after we got zapped back by Dr Mephesto!

Butters: Uh oh!

Cartman: Um, nice to see you mam! I'm gonna go talk to your boy right now! [Cartman and Butters leave]

South Park Bus Stop, The boys are there, Past Cartman is talking about his future self's visit to the others.

Cartman: And so then, he left in a flash of blue laght!

Kyle: ...Cartman… That is the most unbelievable story I have ever heard!

Cartman: {Annoyed} Oh come on you guys! As if your story about my story about that dream I had about Aliens wasn't unbelievable!

Stan: Dude, we saw an 80-foot satellite dish sprout out of your asshole! [Present Cartman comes dressed in tweed, Butters is also dressed in a jacket and hat]

Present Cartman: Hey Cartman!

Past Cartman: Huh?!

Kenny: What the hell?

Kyle: Dude! Get out of here!

Past Cartman: You guys! that's my future self!

Present Cartman: What future self?

Past Cartman: Wha? Aye! Don't deny it! You're my future self!

Present Cartman: Eric, I need to talk to you for a second! [whispers to his past self for a few seconds]

Past Cartman: Oh! [they proceed waiting for the bus] Okay, actually, that's not really my future self!

Kyle: See? We told you you were making it up!

Present Cartman: Oh shut up you guys, as if your story about his story of Aliens wasn't unbelievable! [the other boys are dumbfounded]

Kenny: What the fuck? 


	13. Welcome back to 3rd Grade!

South Park Elementary, Cartman and Butters are being introduced into class.

Mr Garrison: Okay Children, now let's take our seats. Now, I want you all to meet your new classmates, John Lennon and Carl Casper [Cartman and Butters come dressed up]

Butters: {whispering} Eric!

Cartman: {whispering back} What?

Butters: It's me!

Cartman: Who?

Butters: My past self! [points to his past self, Cartman and Butters both sit down next to their past selves]

Past Butters: Hehehe, just like John Lennon from the beatles!

Past Cartman: {whispering} So, dude! What did you want to tell me?

Present Cartman: [thinks for a second] Shit, I don't know!

Past Cartman: Okay, so… why Carl Casper?

Present Cartman: Huh?

Past Cartman: Why did you name yourself, Carl Casper? Is that a celebrity that becomes famous next year? Like how in that movie, that guy names himself, uh, Kelvin Klahn?

Present Cartman: Yes and I would appreciate it if you would just listen so I don't get in trouble again!

Mr Garrison: Ahem! [both of them look] Now, as I was saying, the reason they think they matter so much and that everyone else is a retard is that they think they see evidence and immediately jump to conclusions, but they are actually easily shown evidence that disproves and blah blah blah, and that the explosives could at least have been set up crazy ass arabs!

Mr Hat: That's right Mr Garrison, they're just a bunch of morons who probably wear a tinfoil hat all the time!

Mr Garrison: And probably don't have jobs

School Cafeteria, the boys are waiting in line

Kyle: {to Stan} So, I heard your dad wrote a song about chickens

Stan: Yeah

Kyle: What's it sound like-

Past Cartman: AYE! You're holding up the damn lunch line! [the boys move forward to get their lunch]

?: Hello there, children! 


	14. That familiar black guy

Present Cartman: Chef?

Boys: Hey Chef!

Chef: Dude, fuck me, it's Chef!

Butters: Well, what's so special about him? [Cartman knocks on Butters' head with his lunch tray]

Present Cartman: Hello? Hello Butters? You been living under a rock?! He's dead, you fucking idiot! Dead!

Butters: ...Oh yeah

Chef: [to Cartman and Butters] Children, there's no need for violence… what's this about someone dead?

Present Cartman: [gasp] Uh, nothing, uh hi, I'm Carl Casper and this is John Lennon.

Chef: John Lennon? Now, why would your parents give you a name like that?

Present Cartman: Well, what's wrong with having Lennon as your last name?

Chef: Nothing, that is just complete Irony! But to give your son the name of someone who only got assassinated 8 years before…

Present Cartman: Hey, maybe they just liked John Lennon and decided to name John in dedication! Also, It works cause his last name is Lennon

Chef: Well, I guess you're right

Butters: Yeah, that's right

Clyde: Hey! Can you guys hurry up? We're starving back here!

Chef: Oh fudge! Well, what will it be? Salisbury Steak or Spaghetti Bolognese?

Present Cartman: I'll take the Salisbury Steak please

Butters: I'll take the spaghetti bolognaise [Chef serves the children their food and they leave]

Chef: {to himself} Y'know, there's something about that Carl Casper that reminds me of someone, but I just can't put my finger on it! 


	15. The breakup

Cafeteria, the boys are at the table.

Past Cartman: So Carl Casper, what is it you were going to tell me?

Present Cartman: I'll tell you, but first I need to take a shit [walks away into hallway to take a shit in the bathroom, comes back out] I just need to empty my lunch tray [takes lunch tray and empties it]

?: Hi guys! [Cartman turns around and sees Wendy]

Present Cartman: Woah… 8-year old Wendy [Wendy walks up to him]

Wendy: So, you must be the new kid [Cartman gags]

Present Cartman: Uh yeah, I'm Carl Casper. Y-you must be Wendy Testaburger... can I talk to you for a second? [Butters comes out with a full tray, he looks over to Wendy who is arguing with Stan]

Stan: Well, you know what? I don't want anything to do with you!

Wendy: Well I don't want anything to do with you either [Wendy leaves Stan]

Butters: What the? [Cartman walks up to him]

Present Cartman: Uh, Butters… can we go now?

Butters: Hey, what did you do?!

Present Cartman: What do you mean, what did I do?

Butters: Eric, Stan and Wendy just broke up! And Kyle's with him, and so am I! and you! I don't remember doing that!

Present Cartman: Well, maybe you just have a shitty memory

Butters: Eric, do you remember doing that?! [Cartman thinks for a second]

Present Cartman: No

Butters: Eric, what did you do to do that?!

Present Cartman: I… may of talked crap about Stan… because I'm one of those people who have this tick that makes us talk crap about hot chick's boy friends so we can get with them

Butters: ...That's a thing? [Cartman nods] But Eric, you gotta tell Wendy that what you said to her was a lie!

Present Cartman: But I can't talk to her!

Butters: Why not?

Present Cartman: Because my brain doesn't want me to!

Butters: What?

Present Cartman: Butters! I can't just tell her that what I said in order for my brain to make it so I can get with her was a lie!

Butters: Wha- [clutches head in confusion]

Present Cartman: I know, I don't understand it either…

Butters: Why does it gotta be that way?

Cartman: The heart wants what it wants, Butters! I can't do jack shit! [They turn blue] What the hell? [they disappear, they reappear in Dr Mephesto's lab] Oh shit!

Dr Mephesto: Why?

Cartman: Um, Dr Mephesto! We can explain everything!

Dr Mephesto: No no no, how did you get inside my lab?

Cartman: There was a key underneath the doormat!

Dr Mephesto: Crap!

Cartman: Look all we wanted was to [splutters] Oh shit, all of a sudden I need sleep!

Dr Mephesto: Get out and go home then! [the boys walk a short distance]

Butters: Well, Dr Mephesto, it's just that, Eric wanted to tell his younger self that he was going to run through the prom naked

Cartman: Aw shit! I completely forgot about that! [goes over to newspaper collection]

Dr Mephesto: But you couldn't have, it's not possible to change the past!

Butters: Well, have you ever tried that?

Dr Mephesto: I don't think I could

Butters: Well maybe you should try [Cartman stands next to Butters with a paper]

Dr Mephesto: Oh forget it! Hopefully you did what you came there for then…

Cartman: Um, M-Mephesto?

Dr Mephesto: What?

Cartman: I think we got bigger problems right now! [turns paper around and shows the school fire, there are dead bodies, headlines are saying: BOY ATTEMPTS TO SAVE OTHER CHILDREN BUT FAILS]

Dr Mephesto: Gadzooks! 


	16. I made a mistake

**Sorry about that :)**

Cartman: What? What is it? [Dr Mephesto takes newspaper]

Dr Mephesto: ...Eric, did anybody die at the fire?

Cartman: What fire?

Dr Mephesto: The school fire that happened today

Cartman ...No

Dr Mephesto: What? That doesn't make any sense

Cartman: What do you mean?

Dr Mephesto: Eric, according to this newspaper, There were deaths!

Cartman: What are you talking about?

Dr Mephesto: Eric… I know this is going to be hard for you to take, but you're... actually dead [Cartman stares at him for moment]

Cartman: ...Fuck you! [pulls finger]

Dr Mephesto: Yes, I'm afraid it's true

Cartman: No no, seriously, fuck you!

Dr Mephesto: It says all the names of the dead children [Cartman takes newspaper off him]

Butters: Holy moly!

Cartman: Holy tits, this isn't good… this isn't good at all

Dr Mephesto: ...According to this, your funeral ended five minutes ago! [Cartman's eyes widen]

Cartman: Oh… was I buried next to someone?

Dr Mephesto: Oh yes, looks like you were buried next to your biological father, as requested on your death letter

Cartman: ...Oh yeah, the assholes actually care, now Kyle should get his ass kicked with an australian boot

Dr Mephesto: Actually, Kyle Broflovski was killed as well [Cartman appears with a frozen emotion, his eyes twitch a bit]

Cartman: ...I don't know what to say

Butters: Eric, shouldn't you be super happy?

Cartman: No, for some reason, I feel, kinda gloomy… what the fuck's going on here?!

Dr Mephesto: ...Either that's what you call "getting something and not having the reaction you wanted" or your character might be dying already

Cartman: (Gasp) I'm dying already?! But how could this happen anyway?!

Dr Mephesto: Well, you obviously did something in the past that affected your existence!

Butters: Eric broke Stan and Wendy up! [Dr Mephesto's eyes widen]

Dr Mephesto: Pre-maturely?!

Butters: Uh, yes

Dr Mephesto: Well from what I've heard, it sounded like Stan had his first Testosterone boost!

Cartman: Is that what he was doing today?

Dr Mephesto: Well yes, from what I'm gathering. It was because they were in a relationship, that Stan had a Testosterone boost to go back and save her and the boost was strong, so he went back to save other people as well to walk it off. Now, since they weren't in a relationship, Stan did not have the attribute to be able to successfully go back and save you, Kenny and Kyle!

Cartman: So is Wendy dead as well?

Dr Mephesto: ...Yes

Butters: Oh my god!

Cartman: ...So what the hell am I gonna do now?

Dr Mephesto: Simple, you must go back in time and get them back together again!

Cartman: ...I'm not sure I can do that

Dr Mephesto: Eric, if you don't do it, you'll eventually fade out of existence, which is rumoured to be worse than death, because you actually have to watch an empty meaningless void for eternity!

Butters: Jesus Christ! That's the worst way of seeing death!

Cartman: And we don't have that in death?

Dr Mephesto: Well, unless you're catholic, you have to watch an empty meaningless void for eternity, except you will be fine with it, unlike nonexistence

Butters: We've done nothing but talk this whole time!

Cartman: Oh good, oh wait! Shouldn't you not know that Stan and Wendy were together originally and that also think that I should be dead?!

Dr Mephesto: I used a machine which transports me to parallel universes, because apparently, there is no such thing as "fixed points in time" when someones travels in time and changes the universe, they move to a different universe when they travel back in time. Unless it's something that completely changes everything, say removing Christianity from the universe, the alternate universe is slowly going to takeover the original one, meaning you'll fade from existence after a certain amount of time

Cartman: I think I get ya… can we just go back in time now? We've literally done nothing but talk for five minutes!


	17. Convincing Stan to go with Wendy

Dr Mephesto: Alright, [walks over to control board] First I need to set the time to the next day

Cartman: Why the next day? Why not the same day?

Dr Mephesto: [finishes setting time] Because you can't hook up a pair who split up the same day! That's like… something! [the time gate opens] well, the portal's open boys!

Cartman: Thanks Mephesto! [Cartman gets ready to run, he and Butters hop in the portal and the guitar strums again]

Monday May 5th 2014 4:00 PM South Park Town Square.

Cartman and Butters appear again.

Cartman: Okay, We need to put the disguises on! [they put on their clothes]

Butters: Okay, so what do we do again?

Cartman: We bring Stan and Wendy back together so that he'll save a bunch of people including me and that way, I won't die and disappear from existence and have to stare at a void for eternity.

Butters: Okay!

Marsh Residence 4:02 PM.

Cartman knocks on the door, Stan opens.

Stan: Yeah?

Butters: Hi!

Stan: ...Can I help you?

Cartman: Ahem, Stan, we're here to help you!

Stan: How?

Cartman: Stan, we're going to get you back together with Wendy! [Stan gives a blank expression for moment, before shutting the door. Cartman knocks again]

Stan: Look, I don't want to get back together with Wendy!

Cartman: Why not?

Stan: Well first, it's called moving on! second, she's been kind of a bitch recently!

Cartman: Women are always bitches Stan, it doesn't matter who you hook up with, even when you're gay, your boyfriend's still gonna be a bitch to you! No relationship ends well!

Stan: ...Your point is?

Cartman: Stan… How bout' we talk for a minute?

Butters: Can I come?

Cartman: No Butters, you stay outside!

Butters: Oh, okay… [Butters waits an entire hour, Cartman walks Stan out of the house]

Cartman: So you understand?

Stan: I guess so…

Cartman: So what are you gonna do?

Stan: Ask Wendy Testaburger out to the prom?

Cartman: Correct!

Butters: …H-how did you that?

Cartman: Manipulation Butters, A gift of being a Tenorman

Butters: Don't you mean Cartman?

Cartman: No, I figured being a manipulative asshole is a Tenorman thing since Scott was a manipulative asshole himself and nobody in my mom's family has even tricked anyone

Butters: Well, you tricked me lots of times

Cartman: I know

Stan: C-Carl, I don't think I can do this

Cartman: Do what?

Stan: I don't think I can go out to the dance with Wendy Testaburger!

Cartman: No dude, again, you need to go out with Wendy Testaburger to the prom!

Stan: What if she rejects me? I mean, we just broke up last week, of course she's gonna reject me!

Cartman: Well then try to- Wait a second, did you just say last week?

Stan: Yeah

Cartman: But… I thought you broke up yesterday?

Stan: No, and it's weird cause I haven't seen since last monday

Cartman: ...What day is it?

Stan: May 5th, why?

Cartman: Okay look Stan, I just want you to convince Wendy Testaburger to go to the prom with you!

Stan: Convince?

Cartman: Yes! fucking convince her that she's your bitch!

Stan: My bitch?

Cartman: Yes! Tomorrow, I'm gonna go talk to me-I mean Cartman and you're gonna go ask her out to the prom. And if it doesn't work the first time, just get the message out to her!

Stan: Alright! Tomorrow, I'm gonna ask her out! Thanks Carl! [goes back inside]

Cartman: This has to work, no! This will work! I'm not disappearing, am I? [Butters examines him]

Butters: No

Cartman: See? It's gonna work!

Butters: Well wait a minute, Eric! Can't you just convince Wendy to go out with Stan yourself?

Cartman: What?

Butters: Y'know, just like how you convinced Stan to go out with Wendy?

Cartman: ...Um, I have terrible luck with women 


	18. Who's president of the United States?

Butters: So what do we do now?

Cartman: Well, when we succeed in getting Stan and Wendy together, We can go back home and [takes out his time travel watch, which suddenly disappears into thin air] What the fuck? Where the fuck did my watch thing go?! [Butters checks his]

Butters: Hey, my watch thingy is gone too!

Cartman: Oh shit… this is not good… this is not good at all!

Butters: Well what do we do now?! I mean, what do we do when we finish our plot?

Cartman: There's only one thing we can do Butters!

Monday 5th 2014 5:35 PM South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch

Cartman and Butters are approaching the entrance, Cartman knocks on the door. Someone opens the peephole on door.

?: Yes?

Cartman: Hey Dr Mephesto? It's me, Eric!

Dr Mephesto: ...No, that can't be you!

Cartman: What are you talking about? Who else would I be?

Dr Mephesto: You're not Eric Cartman, and if you are, what the hell happened to your voice?!

Cartman: Long story, just open the door!

Dr Mephesto: How about you tell me why your voice is like that?

Cartman: I'm not the Cartman you know! I'm a different Cartman!

Dr Mephesto: ...Relative?

Cartman: No, I'm Eric Cartman from another time?

Dr Mephesto: You mean you're from the future?

Cartman: Yeah, how did you know?

Dr Mephesto: Well, you certainly sound older… and… thinner

Cartman: Aye!

Dr Mephesto: Look, I'm sorry, I'll open the door [unlocks door, Cartman opens the door to go in and suddenly gets picked up by the foot, it shows that Cartman is caught in a trap] Sorry! [unties rope and Cartman falls on the floor]

Cartman: Okay, here's the thing, I'm Eric Cartman… from one year in the future… I came here in a time machine that you invented

Dr Mephesto: Woah woah, wait! I don't remember building any time machine!

Cartman: Well duh, that's because you haven't! Next year, you're going to find the ultimate answer to time travel or some shit like that, and I'm going to go back in time several times and then cause something really bad!

Dr Mephesto: Like what?

Butters: Eric kind of broke Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger up and now he has to get them back together!

Dr Mephesto: And what does that have to do with you?

Cartman: Stan kinda saved my life thanks to some sciency shit involving chicks and since I broke them up, Stan's not gonna be able to save me from a building and Kyle Jewflovski!

Dr Mephesto: Makes sense, but who's president of the United States?

Cartman: Barack Obama!

Dr Mephesto: Barack Obama? Who is that? some kind of Arab?

Cartman: Kenya, actually

Dr Mephesto: Alright, give me information I'd only give to people about this time travel [turns around]

Cartman: You have a collection of Time machines from old movies?

Dr Mephesto: Why?

Cartman: Because they're actually you trying to make the time machines actually work?

Dr Mephesto: ...Holy shit, he's right! [turns around] But, where is the time machine you came here in?

Butters: We never actually had one Cartman: Well, we had watches, but for some reason, they disappeared from our wrists

Dr Mephesto: Fascinating… but what do you need me for?

Cartman: Dude, we need you to help us get back to the future! no pun intended!

Dr Mephesto: Heh, that's where the movie gets its name! What's it like in the future? It is the last year of the dark years, right?

Butters: What are dark years?

Dr Mephesto: Dark years are times when technology stops progressing and Celebrities don't age and suddenly age to their appropriate age by the end of them, also Elections all happen at once

Cartman: Yeah, I noticed how people's clothes changed, I'm wearing a fucking button up, who wears those anymore? I guess flannel would count since that's still in fashion in 2015. Dr Mephesto, we need you to recreate a time machine for us!

Dr Mephesto: But if I do that, I might not invent the one that worked before and you should never exist!

Cartman: Well then, create a fricken' memory eraser! [Dr Mephesto opens curtains to reveal his time machine room]

Dr Mephesto: Well, here we are! all the time machines I made

Cartman: Kewl, we've already seen this [takes picture with his phone and goes through pictures and finds something] Hey, Kenny's head's gone!

Dr Mephesto: What? Let me see that! [Dr Mephesto takes phone from Cartman's hand and sees the photo] Great scott!

Cartman: What?

Dr Mephesto: Kenny's head's gone!

Cartman: Well, what does that mean?

Dr Mephesto: It's just like in the movie!

Cartman: Kenny's head disappearing?

Dr Mephesto: Yes, his whole body will disappear, then Kyle will disappear, and then you will disappear!

Butters: Oh my god!

Cartman: Holy shit! so how long have I got to live?

Dr Mephesto: I don't know! Since Stan didn't save any of you, Kenny is the first person to fade!

Cartman: Wait, Stan saved Kenny as well? I don't remember that happening!

Butters: Well I thought he did?

Cartman: Huh, funny, must be a mistake!


	19. My name is Bane

**Sorry for the wait, encountered many distractions**

South Park Elementary, Recess

Stan is walking down the hall, he finds Cartman in a different outfit with shades on.

Cartman: Hey Stan [removes shades]

Stan: Oh hey, Carl

Cartman: Okay, Stan, I want you to go ask Wendy out

Stan: Out to where? [Cartman points to poster of the Elementary School Intermediate Prom] Oh yeah

Cartman: Go ask Wendy out to the freaking prom! [Stan walks over to Wendy]

Stan: Oh, uh… hi Wendy [Wendy turns around]

Wendy: Oh, hi Stan

Stan: Hey, uh… y'know, prom's coming up

Wendy: No, I'm not going with you to prom

Stan: What? But who else are you going to the prom with?

Wendy: I'm going with Token Black [walks away, Stan is paused]

Cartman: Token? Aw hell no! [walks up to Stan] Stan, you are not going to let some black guy take away your chick! [Stan turns around, his pose remains the same]

Stan: Well what the hell do you expect me to do?

Cartman: There's a little thing called persistence, Stan!

Stan: Dude, I'm pretty sure persistence will just drive her further away

Cartman: Not when it's done in the right way, Stan! It's like taking a dump, sometimes, it works out easily. But sometimes, [puts on shades] you gotta give it a big slimy push!

Stan: {Whispering} But I don't usually take dumps, only when I really have to! [Cartman takes shades off again]

Cartman: {Whispering} But if you don't take dumps, you'll get hemorrhoids a.k.a loneliness!

Stan: {Whispering} Well, I guess I'll have hemorrhoids then! [walks off, Butters walks up to Cartman]

Butters: Gee, this Cupid business is harder than I thought, right eric? [Cartman puts shades on]

Cartman: ...Butters, do you still have that Edward Van Halen song I gave to you when Kyle tricked me into listening to it on april fools day thinking it was Owl City?

Butters: I think so, why does it matter?

Cartman: I'm gonna need it!

Marsh Residence Night Cartman and Butters walk up to the door, it is locked.

Cartman: It's locked, shit!

Butters: Well, what do we do now?

Cartman: Don't worry, I have a plan B

Cartman is on a ladder, he climbs up it and makes his way to Stan's window

Cartman: [Cartman attempts to open Stan's window] It's locked as well! Don't worry, I have a plan C!

Cartman is in an abseiling harness, he is on top of the house trying to hook his harness with a hook conveniently placed underneath the roof in a very dangerous position.

Butters: Eric, are you sure about this?

Cartman: I'm not sure about anything anymore [He manages to hook his harness to the hook, but slips and falls] Aaaah! [the rope holds him and he ends up hitting the window with his ass]

Butters: Jesus Christ! Eric!

Cartman: I'm fine! [turns towards the window and jumps off of it, he smashes one of the windowpanes with his foot, Stan rolls around in his bed] Shit! [He orients himself again and unlocks the window, he opens it and gets halfway through the windowsill, he unhooks his harness and accidentally tumbles over Stan's bedside table and breaks everything. Stan rolls again] Phew! [Thudding noises are coming from the wall]

Shelly: HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE, TURD! [More thudding noises]

Randy: Shelly! Can you keep it down?

Cartman: ...God, how does he sleep at night? [Cartman takes out his bag and finds a mask, bald cap and black singlet and puts them on. He then hops onto Stan's bed, takes his IPhone out and puts headphones on Stan's ears, he plays heavy metal and wakes the hell out of Stan, Stan wakes up and sees Cartman standing above him in his bane mask, Cartman stops the music.

Stan: …Who the fuck are you?! [Music plays again for a moment]

Cartman: {Bane voice} Silence Earthling! It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan. You should've gone out with Wendy Testaburger!

Stan: ...What? [Stan looks beside him and finds his 90s styled comics from his bedside table, one of them shows a picture of Bane, Stan is not amused] Mom! There's a guy in- [Cartman plays the music again]

Cartman: Silence Earthling!

Stan: God, why are you playing heavy metal in my ears?!

Cartman: Stan, you've made a really huge fucking mistake!

Stan: What did I do?

Cartman: You broke up with Wendy Testaburger and caused something something imbalance in the something

Stan: {Long pause} Well, look, I'm sorry, alright?

Cartman: Sorry doesn't cut it, jackass! You must find this Wendy Testaburger and convince her to go to the prom with you!

Stan: So you're telling me that I have to get Wendy to go the prom with me so that I can fix your "Imbalance"?

Cartman: ...Yes

Stan: ...I don't think I can do that! [Music plays again]

Cartman: Well if you don't... I will kill you!

Stan: Alright, Alright, fuck!

Cartman: Now, you will have a drink! [points to glass of water besides Stan, Stan hesitantly drinks it. Cartman walks away and hears something fall, he looks behind him and finds Stan on the floor asleep from the drink which had a sleeping pill in it. He removes his bane mask] Finally! [He gets onto the window sill and looks down] Now, how do I get down?


	20. Short Chapter

South Park Bus Stop

The boys and Present Cartman and Butters are at the bus stop. Stan is not yet present.

Past Cartman: Hey, you guys wanna hear a funny joke my grandpa told me?

Present Cartman: Oh wait, let me guess, it's an aristocrats joke?

Past Cartman: …How do you know that?

Present Cartman: {quiet} Dude, we're the same guy! [points to finger to himself and his past self to signify]

Past Cartman: Oh [Stan arrives, his beanie is tilted] Oh, hey, look who's here!

Kenny: (Dude, it's fucking 8:15, you could've totally missed the fucking bus!)

Kyle: Yeah, why did you wake up so late?

Stan: You guys, Bane came down to my bedroom last night and he said that if I don't go with Wendy to the prom, he'll kill me! [Everyone except Present Cartman has a worried a look]

Kyle: Dude… [Past Cartman walks over to Stan silently to put his hand on his back thinking he's mentally ill, Stan shoves him a little and Cartman goes back to where he was before] Dude, that's like, the most unbelievable thing since the story Cartman told us the story about how he met his future self!

Stan: Hey, you know what? That might actually be true! [Present Cartman's eyes widen]

Present Cartman: What?

Stan: If an Alien from outer space really came down and threatened to kill me, surely Cartman's time travel story isn't bullshit either!

Present Cartman: Uh, Stan, let's just go back to the whole Alien thing!

Stan: So yeah, I need to go to the Wendy with the Prom. Carl, you were gonna help me!

Present Cartman: That's true, I was gonna help you 


End file.
